Mall Cop Diary
In(s)ane Ramblings Of A Mall Cop

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

It Has Been A While

January 31, 2016

Hasn’t it? I don’t know if anyone is still checking this blog for updates but, if you are, I have several important announcements to make. First of all, Mall Cop Diary will not be published after all. Mall Cop Diary will not be published because I have decided to go with Guards Gone Wild! as […]

A Vimes Moment At Work

September 12, 2011

This older and rather more senior mall cop came to have a chat with me about “integrity” and “duty”. It is an open secret that sometimes “corrupt” mall cops accept free donuts from retailers. Just one or two, mind you. So this is the conversation I had… Older mall cop: Ok. Suppose a retailer offers […]

Long Time No See

July 28, 2011

Hi there, It has been a while since I last posted, hasn’t it? Way back in 2010, my intention was to get Mall Cop Diary published by Christmas, but unfortunately (or rather, fortunately) I got suckered into another writing project. One thing led to another, and before long, I stopped being a mall cop to […]

Nazi Mall Cop

May 8, 2010

At the start of the first X-Men movie, Nazi guards ruthlessly separated a young Magneto from his parents, paying no heed to their cries and emotional trauma, which incidentally helped the future super-villain manifest his latent mutant powers. Today, I did the same thing. With that same Nazi coldness and professionalism, I too separated a […]

I Caught A Pervert!

May 2, 2010

I only made one ‘arrest’ this week so it was a shame that I had to give it up. There I was, minding my own business as I pace aimlessly up and down the floor of the main atrium when I spotted him. For the annual Summer Fashion Extravaganza, the mall has dressed up mannequins […]

I Let Them Off

April 24, 2010

Thank you for voting on whether if I should let the sales assistants off or not. So when I returned to work today, I decided not to say anything about their little escapade. And to let them know I spared them the fate of employment termination, I smiled and nodded knowingly at them when they […]

Escape From The Mall

April 18, 2010

We had an ‘escape’ at the mall tonight. It happened when I was performing sentry duty at the main entrance for mall closing. Several teenage employees slipped past me (from inside the mall) while my attention was focused on repelling the besieging horde of shopaholics outside. It is not widely known among civilians, but mall […]

Jumping To Conclusions

April 17, 2010

Today, I learned not to jump to conclusions. What with the popularity of cop shows, it was rather easy for me to assume the sales girl just murdered an unreasonable shopper who wouldn’t buy any cosmetics from her when I found a piece of bloody clothing in her bag. However, as it turned out, the […]

Time Carded!

April 4, 2010

Today I was introduced to the evil Time Card. Hitherto, I was able to avoid having to use a time card like the rest of the employees because I was considered to be only a weekend ‘relief guard’, and not as important as a full-time staff. So no one ever thought of giving me a […]

Vive le lingerie!

March 28, 2010

Overheard at the lingerie department… Man: Hi, may I know if you allow customers to try on your merchandise? Sales girl: Yes, but only the bras. Not the panties. Hygiene reasons. The man, dressed smartly in suit and tie of the yuppie persuasion, hesitated for a while before continuing. Man: So do you allow sniff […]