Mall Cop Diary
In(s)ane Ramblings Of A Mall Cop

A Vimes Moment At Work

This older and rather more senior mall cop came to have a chat with me about “integrity” and “duty”.

It is an open secret that sometimes “corrupt” mall cops accept free donuts from retailers. Just one or two, mind you.

So this is the conversation I had…

Older mall cop: Ok. Suppose a retailer offers you a free donut? Would you accept that?

Me: A free donut? Well… I suppose there’s no harm…

Older mall cop: Ok. Now suppose that the above mentioned retailer offers you a free cake with frostings and chocolate sprinkles and asks you to HIDE A DEAD BODY FOR HIM AT THE MALL! Would you do it?

Me: What?!? No way! What?!? Why would I do that?!?

Older mall cop: Why not? You already accepted A FREE DONUT!!! Once you go down that path of free donuts, there’s no turning back. Once a corrupt cop, always a corrupt cop. First they ask you nicely to turn a blind eye to certain minor parking infractions, then the next thing you know, they give you a birthday cake and EXPECT YOU TO MURDER FOR THEM!!!

Me: ….

* Vimes is a cop in the Discworld universe.  Renowned for his integrity. Any criminal trying to bribe him will end up with broken fingers or worse. He has a Wikipedia entry devoted to him.


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