Mall Cop Diary
In(s)ane Ramblings Of A Mall Cop

Vive le lingerie!

Overheard at the lingerie department…

Man: Hi, may I know if you allow customers to try on your merchandise?

Sales girl: Yes, but only the bras. Not the panties. Hygiene reasons.

The man, dressed smartly in suit and tie of the yuppie persuasion, hesitated for a while before continuing.

Man: So do you allow sniff tests?

Sales girl: What?

Man (somewhat impatiently): I said do you allow sniff tests? Can you show me which undergarments have just been tried on by your customers so I may sniff them?

Sales girl (confused): What?

At this point, she spotted me loitering patrolling the perimeter of the lingerie section and listening intently to the conversation. She, the very attractive sales girl who had hitherto ignored me with haughty disdain, was seeking my aid, appealing to me with her expressive and alluring eyes.

There was only one thing I could do under such circumstances.

I surreptitiously slid behind a shelf in the adjoining kids wear department where I could continue watching the drama unfold without being spotted.

What? Did my readers expect me to charge in grandly on a moral high horse to save the damsel in distress? Mall cops are not heroes. We are to observe and report only, remember? Besides, it would do the inexperienced sales girl good to get out and meet the weirdos of the mall. She needs a thicker skin if she wishes to have a career in the retail industry. Especially within the section of the industry that deals with lingerie.

The unfolding drama ended soon after I settled into position behind my shelf, stocked with perfectly respectable junior-sized jeans. Defeated by the sales girl’s persistent ‘whats’ to his questions, our undergarment fetishist turned his back abruptly and left.

What a party pooper.

By: A Mall Cop


5 Responses to “Vive le lingerie!”

  1. On that was good… So you actually witnessed that. I’ve seen some strange things in victoria secrets when browsing around with my wife, but nothing quite like that….


    • Haha! Yeah well, I spend way more time at the mall than regular shoppers, so I get to see more too! πŸ™‚

      That’s the first time I have seen something like that too. My older colleagues assured me that they have seen worse cases, such as male customers actually sniffing the undergarments or actually taking some and disappearing into the toilets (available within the department store) with the undergarments.

      My upcoming book will contain more weird stories from the security industry. Thank you for taking the time to look at my blog. πŸ™‚

  2. pahahahhahahahahaaaa

    that’s pretty funny

  3. Wow. I assume the Lingerie department will have a chapter of its own in your book. That man clearly didn’t get enough time at his mother’s breast. The muppet.

    • Well, I don’t know about having an entire chapter, because that’s just one isolated incident I encountered.

      Maybe I will run into more weirdos. Then I will have enough material for a whole chapter!. So far, I ran into this person here and a couple queuing up at the lingerie cashier counter. Woman was asking man why was he buying a bra clearly not her size and the man said it’s not for her but her mom.

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