Mall Cop Diary
In(s)ane Ramblings Of A Mall Cop


We desperately needed extra manpower at the mall due to the Baby Fair. Thus, it came to pass that ex-colleagues who left the service were called up to help out at the mall pro tempore. And it was just my luck to be partnered with one disgruntled ex-employee today.

Apparently, our manager back at the rent-a-cop agency was very desperate to bolster our ranks for the duration of this Baby Fair. That led to him making promises he couldn’t keep, and through a complex interplay of events, they blew up in my face. Yeah, me. The innocent bystanding mall  cop.

Liam, the disgruntled ex-employee (or rather employee now that he’s working for us again), struck a bargain with our manager when he received the call to duty midday. Seeing as how it wasn’t his fault that he received the call so late, he demanded a full-day pay even though he would end up working only 3/4 of the normal shift. Fair enough. But, perhaps sensing the desperation in the manager’s tone, Liam demanded the 3/4 shift arrangement for the remainder of his 6-day contract with us as well. I am sure you can imagine how well it went down with the rest of the team who had to work full-time.

Today of all days, public outrage reached a crescendo and Liam was summoned into the office. There he spent a mere 15 minutes before rushing back into the exhibition hall in a huff. I was just pointing out to him that the garbage bag was full and we needed to get the janitors in, when he shushed me into silence! He was like ‘that’s not important now, I have something to say’, and he started a rant about the unfairness of his situation and demanded to know what I thought of our supervisor.

There was no good answer to that question, so I kept my mouth shut. As he continued to rant, I sneaked glances at the irate sales staff who had nowhere to dump their trash since the garbage bag was overflowing. We needed the janitors stat! So I was forced to interrupt him in mid-rant and remind him to call in janitorial reinforcement.

I must have hurt his feelings because he abruptly turned his back on me and walked off.

Moments later, Liam waved at me from across the hall, his good humor seemingly restored. I ignored him the first time round, as I had no desire to listen to him rant about the ‘unfairness’ of having to work full-time hours like the rest of the team. But he waved again more urgently. What else could I do except jog through the heaving crowd of bawling babies and ill-humored parents to get to him?

I regretted my decision afterward.

Once I reached his post, Liam put on an exaggerated bored expression and informed me he lost his walkie-talkie set because he couldn’t be bothered anymore. WTF? Considering that Liam was only a temp staff, I had a sinking feeling that I would be the one to deal with any ramifications arising from the loss of the walkie-talkie set. Somehow it would be MY fault. Liam could simply walk out of the mess, but I had to deal with any shit he left behind. I was sure of that.

I also had the feeling that he was trying to get back at me for not lending a sympathetic ear earlier.

So I had a go at him and informed him coldly that if he didn’t like the current arrangements then he should just leave instead of getting innocent parties into trouble. I must have raised my voice a tad too high. Because a sleeping baby about 20 feet away suddenly started wailing like a siren. Several salespersons and parents in our immediate vicinity shot us evil looks. Well, that baby effectively broke up our fight. But it also attracted the attention of a roving manager who proceeded to ask ME why wasn’t I at my post?

Well, our verbal fight might be over, but I still had to know the whereabouts of the walkie-talkie set. You see, all mall cops had to sign this contract before they start work at the mall, and the contract listed compensation for a lost walkie-talkie set at 500 dollars. I don’t understand why a communication device with very limited range and no built-in camera or texting function would cost more than my Nokia phone (which has those amenities) either, so don’t ask me.

I glared silently at him till he wavered and confessed that it was a prank. A stupid childish prank which got me into trouble with the manager, who was impatiently waiting for me to return to my post while I glared at Liam. After I watched Liam retrieve the walkie-talkie set from its hiding place behind a stack of shopping baskets, I stalked back to my post across the hall. For once, I was grateful for the mass of shoppers gathered at the mall, because they separated me from Liam and probably saved me from having to face a murder charge later on.

By: An Angry Mall Cop


3 Responses to “Pranked!”

  1. The subject is fully clear but why does the text lack clarity? But in general your blog is great.

  2. gualetar’s comment was initially marked as ‘spam’ by WordPress, but in the spirit of free speech, I decided to let it through. Just in case it was written by a real person and not a spam bot.

    To be on the safe side however, I strongly advise my readers NOT to click on gualetar’s link.

    Just remember this: The words ‘The subject is fully clear but why does the text lack clarity? But in general your blog is great.’ can be applied to ANY blog on WordPress. So it could have come from a bot.

    If I am wrong about this, I welcome gualetar to comment further on this thread.

    This internet safety advice comes from A Mall Cop.

  3. Thanks for that, Mallcop. Let me give you a proper comment now.

    They say miserable people are very generous, because they love to pass their misery on. That person was a muppet. He was an ex employee for a reason. The small pleasure he had that day was to get you into trouble, which is very sad. Some people are in your life to wind you up, but you’ll live to fight another day. When your book(s) make you a decent living and you continue to do what you love, just remember how he would be living. Not very well, I bet.

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