Mall Cop Diary
In(s)ane Ramblings Of A Mall Cop

Archive for March 2010

Message from A Mall Cop

March 30, 2010

Mall Cop Diary will become more interactive! I just set up a Gmail account to make it easier for me to communicate with my readers. Feedback, criticisms or suggestions may be sent to: amallcop (at) gmail (dot) com If there’s anything you like to see on this blog or in my upcoming book, let me […]

Vive le lingerie!

March 28, 2010

Overheard at the lingerie department… Man: Hi, may I know if you allow customers to try on your merchandise? Sales girl: Yes, but only the bras. Not the panties. Hygiene reasons. The man, dressed smartly in suit and tie of the yuppie persuasion, hesitated for a while before continuing. Man: So do you allow sniff […]


March 27, 2010

Not too long ago, I read this news article about a mall cop in England who mistook a daddy taking pictures of his son to be a pedophile. Yes, due to the incomprehensible behaviour of some shoppers and the hereditary* suspicious nature of mall cops, unfortunate misunderstandings like that tend to crop up nine times […]

Thanks Mula!

March 22, 2010

Dear readers, You may have noticed that I just changed my gravatar from the default WordPress one to a cute cartoon of a mall cop. This is the artistic creation of an artist known to his internet friends as ‘Mula’. If you like his work and would like to contact him, you may do so […]

Helpfulness Doesn’t Pay

March 21, 2010

So I was stationed at the toy section in the department store, when I heard a plaintive whine for help. “Come on boys, you don’t want this Nerf gun! Look! It has only got 12 darts! You will only get bored with it. 12 darts won’t go far, boys. Let’s come back another day when […]

Olivia Twist and Fagin

March 20, 2010

Mall Cop Failed In His Duty! This one-liner blazed across the front page of my soul, after I failed miserably to stop a pair of cunning shoplifters. It was midday at the mall, and as I was dutifully scanning the horde of shoppers for signs of criminal activities, a little girl (estimated to be about 6 year old) […]


March 14, 2010

We desperately needed extra manpower at the mall due to the Baby Fair. Thus, it came to pass that ex-colleagues who left the service were called up to help out at the mall pro tempore. And it was just my luck to be partnered with one disgruntled ex-employee today. Apparently, our manager back at the […]


March 13, 2010

A mother and her pre-schooler daughter approached me for directions today. Mommy wanted to know where she might find a ‘pretty dollhouse’ for her daughter. So I directed her to the toy section in our department store where I last saw a dazzling display of Sylvanian Families toy houses. House-trained critters who can flush toilets […]

Treasure Hunters

March 7, 2010

Last week, we had a group of high-school scavenger hunters rampaging helter-skelter through the mall. And today, I encountered two rather young (aged 3 and 4) intrepid treasure hunters. Let me make this clear right from the very beginning. Treasure hunting is NOT scavenger hunting, a fact which the siblings took great effort to explain. […]

Gatekeeping is no time for babysitting

March 6, 2010

The turnover rate in the security industry is high, so it doesn’t particularly surprise me when I show up at the mall today and see another new face. The third one since last month in fact. What surprised me was his fresh approach. For starters, amidst the usual chorus of morning complaints and rants, his […]